013 When Mothers Grieve – What Not To Say…To Anyone…Ever

When Mothers Grieve – What Not to Say…to Anyone…Ever.

Have you ever said the wrong thing? Don’t worry we all have. This week Sandy and Elisabeth talk about the “wrong” things that were said to them in times of loss and look to Scripture for a better understanding of how to bring comfort to others in times of heartache.


Because it’s gonna come up. Bad things happen to everyone and a little preparation now will allow you to console others in times of grief.

1 in 4 women will have trouble getting pregnant, carrying a healthy baby to term or deal with a loss either through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death.

This episode is framed around things that Sandy and Elisabeth heard throughout their journey to motherhood but they really apply to anyone who is struggling with loss of any kind.

#1 “It’s all part of God’s plan”

It’s completely untrue and it hurts everyone, especially non-believers. I have personally seen people walk away from God and from their faith because they cannot fathom a God who would plan for our loved ones to suffer. This commonly used phrase is not only devastating for those grieving it is literally pushing people away from God.

JEREMIAH [29:11] For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future

#2: “You’re young, you can always have another one.”

This is just absurd and it is said ALL the time!! Having another child will not replace the one that is lost. A family who has lost a child will never again be complete this side of Heaven. It does not matter how many other children they have there will be an emptiness there that will never be filled.

There is also no guarantee that is a possibility. See our opening statement about 1 in 4.

MATTHEW [18:14] In the same way, your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these children perish.

#3: “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.”

This is standard Christian response to anyone going through a rough time but it is also completely false.

God does not give you more than HE can handle! But there may absolutely be times that you are given more than you can handle alone.

Your Scripture reference here is literally any story about the Israelites in the desert. They wouldn’t have lasted a week. Seriously.

#4: Nothing

The right answer is NOT to say nothing, EVER!! Sure it’s easy for you. But it is not what God calls his people to do. We are to reach out to the hurting and the suffering and the mourning.


There are NO magic words. Nothing you say will suddenly take away the pain of losing a child. But you can make a difference with your words. Make it a positive one.


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